It’s All In the Name
Peggy J. Herring
It was such a sexist thing to do, but Maria couldn’t help it. When it came to getting her car fixed, she just couldn’t bring herself to take it to a woman to be repaired. And even though Maria knew she was being unreasonable, that didn’t stop her from ignoring her best friend’s suggestion that she take her car to Pep Boys off the loop where Tiffany Fargo worked.
And why does she have to have such a girly name, Maria wondered. It would be a little easier to at least consider giving this Tiffany person a shot if she had a name like Jimmie or Nickie or Casey or Kelly. But a Tiffany? That wasn’t working for her at all.
So, she thought. Your butt could still be sitting on the side of the road somewhere even if a Bruno or a Felix or a Bubba worked on your car. Either get over it and give the woman a chance, or face the wrath of your friends when they find out you went somewhere else and gave a man all that money.
“Damn, damn, damn,” Maria mumbled as she turned her ailing car around and headed toward Pep Boys off the loop. “This Tiffany Fargo better be good. That’s all I’ve gotta say!”
Laura DeHart Young
Tiffany Fargo smiled sweetly. “I’m so glad my friends recommended me to you. What seems to be the problem with your car?”
God, she’s a doll, Maria thought. Here I am, Miss Dyke and I can’t fix a car no way, no how. But Miss Tiffany Fargo femme is working at Pep Boys? I’ll be damned. “It’s making a funny noise. The engine seems to be really loud or something.”
Tiffany fluttered her long lashes, her brown eyes as coppery as an early morning sunrise. “Mind if I have the keys? I’ll start her up and see what she sounds like.”
“Sure thing.” Maria handed Tiffany the keys thinking, I’d like to start you up and see what you sound like.
Tiffany turned the engine over, then got out and opened the hood. She tinkered, prodded and poked. Maria felt violated ñ at least for her car.
“Is it fatal?” Maria asked in the most charming tone she could muster.
“No, just needs a good tune-up, I think.” Tiffany wiped her hands on a rag and smiled.
Maria smiled back. I could use a tune-up, too. And you’re just the woman to do it, she thought. “Can I hang around and wait or should I come back later?”
“You can hang around,” Tiffany replied. “Have a seat over there. I’ll work on it now since you came on a recommendation.”
Maria sat down just a few feet away from the luscious, long-legged Tiffany and her poor, ailing car, even as Tiffany grunted, yanking oily tubings, and curious-looking metal parts from under her hood and tossing them on the ground next to it.
Damn, is all that coming from my little car? I hope she just knows where it all goes back...
“Damn,” Tiffany yelled, pulling herself away from the car. “I broke a nail!” she explained to Maria.
Oh, no! What have I gotten myself into?
Maria could only watch as Tiffany made all sorts of awful noises, with worse noises coming from the pieces and parts she was pulling from the vehicle.
“Darn, now where did I put that doo-hickey?” Tiffany said, standing and scratching the back of her head, which was covered with a wonderful mane of thick, long hair. “Oh, there it is!” she said, pulling a wrench from her toolbox.
Even I know what a wrench is...
“Oh dear, now how did that get there?” Tiffany said, reaching under the hood and pulling out something that looked...
If Maria didn’t know better, she’d swear that what Tiffany pulled out from under her hood was either...
An octopus? Or is that a large intestine?
Tiffany tossed whatever it was questioningly to the side, then turned to Maria. “Just one more thing,” she said, laying down on the ground and pushing herself under the car.
Maria was hooked. Oh, oh, yeah, that’s it baby, now just spread those legs for me...
Tiffany obligingly spread her legs open just a bit wider...just as she swore again and a pool of violent pink liquid spilled from the bottom of Maria’s car.
Tiffany popped back to her feet, wiped her hands on her overalls, slammed the hood down, and said, “All done.”
“Is it... all right?”
“It’ll purr like a woman now,” Tiffany said. “You owe the cashier $75.99 for the tune-up, and me dinner for the show.” She opened her overalls to reveal her pink satin blouse and jeans underneath.
“Our friends told me to take extra special care of you,” she sat down on Maria’s lap, “because of your sexist attitudes.” She caressed the side of Maria’s cheek. “And because you refused to go out with me after I saw you at the bar a month ago. I guess I wasn’t femme enough for you then.”
“Omigod -- you’re that Tiffany?”
“Did you really think I pulled that squid from your car’s engine?”
“Did you really break a nail?”
“Of course not. I’m good.”