Carol had just sat down to her afternoon breakfast of poppyseed roll when there came a hesitant knock at her front door. She sighed, stood, and went to answer it.
“Now don’t die of shock or anything, but I’m cooking and so… do you have a pot and a potato masher I could borrow?” her neighbor, Nicole said.
Carol led the way into her kitchen and pulled out the requested items, handing them over with a smile. “Do you need a lid for the pot?”
“Yes, if you have one, that’d be great.”
As soon as Nicole left, Carol put on a Buffy DVD and went about slowly pulling apart her two slices of roll and eating them.
Tap, tap, tap.
It was Nicole again. “I’m cooking for my fiancé, who’s finally getting to town tonight, and I realized I really want him to put together the new bookshelf I got yesterday. Can I borrow your drill and allen wrenches?”
Carol went to her closet and pulled out the requested items, handing them over with a grin. Some day Nicole would ask for something she actually did not own.
But this time, she didn’t even have a chance to return to her breakfast when the knocking came. She turned off the DVD and went to the door.
Nicole was still carrying the wrenches and drill. “I just realized I want Hoyt to think that I’m all adult and responsible and everything… do you have a kitten I could borrow?”
Laura DeHart Young
“No, but I have a stuffed koala. Will that do?”
Nicole started to laugh and Carol couldn’t help but join in.
“This Hoyt must be really something if you want to impress him that badly,” Carol said, her mind still on the half-eaten poppy seed roll.
“Well, don’t you get nervous when your boyfriend visits?” Nicole asked absentmindedly.
“No. It’s a new girlfriend I worry about,” Carol replied bluntly.
Nicole’s eyes widened with surprise…or was it delight? “Really? Well, that’s just amazing. You see, it’s not just Hoyt I’m trying to impress,” Nicole said excitedly. “His sister is visiting from out of town and she’s…well, she’s...” Nicole looked up and down the hallway outside the doorway. “She’s like you,” she whispered discreetly.
“A lesbian?” Carol asked in as loud a voice as possible.
Nicole turned a bright shade of red. “Uh, yes. And won’t she be impressed when I tell her that a…uh, you live right across the hall!”
Peggy J. Herring
“How old is this future sister-in-law of yours?” Carol asked. She might as well be pleasant and attentive since it didn’t look like she’d be finishing her breakfast anytime soon.
“Nineteen,” Nicole said. “But a mature nineteen.”
“Mature how? What does that mean now days?”
“She’s responsible. Goes to school and has a job, too. I didn’t start getting it together until I was way into my twenties.”
“I see,” Carol said. “Interesting,” she lied. “Is she butch or femme?”
“Uh...does she wear lipstick or chap stick?”
“Hmm. Neither that I know of.”
“Does she wear boots or heels?”
“Long hair or short hair?”
“Touches the shoulders.”
“Might be a tweener then.”
Carol smiled. “Never mind. Let’s see if I can locate that koala for you.”
“So I guess that means you wouldn’t be interested in having dinner with us?”
“Did I say that?”
“Frankly, I have no idea what you’ve been saying.”
“Just trying to get a feel for the young lesbian, so to speak.”
“So you’re free for dinner?” Nicole asked.
“No, actually, I have a date tonight.”
“Oh.” Nicole sounded truly disappointed.
“And here’s the koala.”
Nicole took the adorable bear and seemed to be stalling. Finally she said, “Okay, I have one more question to ask you.”
“Sure. What else do you need to borrow? I’m sure I have it no matter what it is.”
“Those three women you mentioned earlier.”
“What three women?”
“Uh...butch, phlegm, and what was the other one?”
“Femme,” Carol said. “Not phlegm.”
“Whatever. What was the third one you mentioned?”
“Yes. Tweener. Whatever that is.”
“It’s okay. Most lesbians never heard of it either.”
“So out of those three types of women, which do you prefer?”
Carol smiled. “I like phlegms. The phlegmier the better.”
Nicole nodded. “Okay...well...that’s good to know.” She went to the door and let herself out.
Carol spent another half hour or so finishing her poppyseed roll, trying not to choke in between spurts of laughter.