After I got out of the service, fast food, security, and other places, industries and all of that after college (including a bit of reserve duty), I finally found my way into my area: Advertising. When I first started interviewing, the thing I most stood out for was my radio writing.

Obviously, I was like, "Duh. Playwright."

Anyway at my first agency, I did a lot and learned a lot. For instance, I taught myself Lotus 123 while the others were out to lunch. Literally. I also redid their entire buy, which they had spent the entire week on—and mine was better.

Anyway, when we were pitching two companies, I wrote some radio for them. Both CEOs loved them all, except the one CEO didn't love the German one. That CEO was Jewish. Important lesson learned there. Anyway, one company merged with a competitor of the other and the entire deal we were pitching fell apart. But here are some of the commercials I wrote up. Things like these are the reason I really like watches with chronograps on them.

 

MICHIGAN ORIGINAL

When you grow up in this here little peninsula surrounded by the greatest lakes known to man, you learn real young about weather that changes faster'n a hummingbird's wings can flap, and that relief on a hot summer day comes when you take a big heaping scoop of some real Melody Farms' Vanilla Ice Cream and plop it into a humoungous frosty mug of Faygo Pop.

(Appropriate SFX)

Aaah!

Now that's a real Michigan Float, but, if you'd like, you can mix'em up real good in your blender and call it a Michigan Cooler. But, anyway you mix it, it's a drink fit for a true Michigan Original, because both company's were born and raised right here in the land of the mitten.

And right now, we want to help you make the biggest, frostiest coolers and floats known, so we're gonna give you a free 2-liter of your favorite Faygo pop with every specially marked half gallon of Melody Farms' Vanilla Ice Cream you buy, so you can tell us just which Faygo flavor goes best with that rich, creamy Melody Farms Vanilla Ice Cream. Just send your recipe to:

Michigan Originals
PO Box 1234
Wherever, MI 48123

And you could win your very own "I'm a Michigan Original" t-shirt. No purchase necessary. See display for details.

PAIRS

ANNCR: When you were young, your mom told you that there are some things that always go together:

MOTHER: Adam and Eve, movies and popcorn, and Melody Farms Vanilla Ice Cream and Faygo Soda Pop.

ANNCR: Growing up in Michigan, mom also told you pretty early on that there were some things you just don't do:

MOTHER: Don't play in the middle of I-75, don't wear plaids and stripes on the same day, and don't expect anything but a real Michigan Cooler or Float to cool you down on a hot summer day.

ANNCR: Yes, dear old mom was right about a few things, like the refreshment you get from a big frosty mug filled with Faygo Root Beer and a couple of heaping scoops of Melody Farms Vanilla Ice Cream...

MOTHER: Nothing refreshes like that real Michigan Melody Farms Vanilla Ice Cream floating in a mug or glass of ice cold Michigan Faygo Pop... Either drop them in a frosty mug together, or mix'em up in your old blender...

ANNCR: And right now, we'll even help you remember the good old days - because for every specially marked half gallon of Melody Farms vanilla ice cream you buy - we'll give you a 2-liter bottle of Faygo pop absolutely free!

MOTHER: And there's so many flavors to choose from: Root Beer, Sensations ginger ale, Red Pop...

ANNCR: Melody Farms Vanilla Ice Cream and Faygo Pop: The only real Michigan Floats and Coolers from two Michigan Originals.

THE MICHIGAN MAN

DOCTOR: Now, sir, why don't you explain your problem to me?

PATIENT: It all started when I was a little tyke, we lived on MICHIGAN Avenue and we had a summer place on Lake MICHIGAN and I listened to the MICHIGAN games while I ate MICHIGAN Cherries...

DOCTOR: I see you are fixated on Michigan...

PATIENT: That's not the problem. You see doc, my problem comes on during really warm days when I get this insatiable thirst for something original, something MICHIGAN...

DOCTOR: Have you heard about the Michigan Cooler? It's a therapeutic mixture of Melody Farms vanilla ice cream and Faygo Pop - two original Michigan products. You take a large frosty mug and pour it full of cold Faygo Root Beer - and while it's still fizzy you add a couple of scoops of that scrumptious Melody Farms vanilla ice cream... Or you can blend them together and fulfill all your innate desires with a Michigan Cooler.

PATIENT: But Doc, should I make it with Root Beer, or Red Pop or Faygo's new ginger ale Sensations?

DOCTOR: Try them all! You see, right now, whenever you buy a specially marked half gallon of that delicious Melody Farms vanilla ice cream, you get a free 2-liter of Faygo Pop thus fulfilling your Michigan compulsion!

(SFX: Door slam)

PATIENT: Doc? Doc? Where'd you go?

(SFX: Soda being poured, ice cream added, drinking)

DOCTOR: Ahh! Now that's a real Michigan Float.

THE SHRINK

DOCTOR: Now, vy don't you tell me vat zee problem is?

PATIENT: Well, you see, doc, it happens everytime warm weather rolls around - I get this insatiable, absolutely irrepressible desire to fill a large, frosty mug with some ice cold Faygo...

DOCTOR: Ahha, I see, and zen vat?

PATIENT: And then I want to dump in a couple of humoungous, heaping scoops of that rich, creamy, Melody Farms vanilla ice cream...

DOCTOR: And do you often dream about doing zis?

PATIENT: All the time - doc, I just can't help myself! But I just can't decide what flavor of Faygo Pop to sink my Melody Farms vanilla ice cream in! And whether to make floats or blend them into coolers!

DOCTOR: Vell, perhaps your mother should've told you that right now, whenever you buy a specially marked half gallon of zat magnificent Melody Farms vanilla ice cream, you get a 2-liter bottle of Faygo pop absolutely free!

PATIENT: Ohmigod! Doc! Do you know what that means?

DOCTOR: Zat it all links back to your dog biting you when you were a child?

PATIENT: That I can try all of Faygo's 23 different fabulous flavors! Thank you so much for your help, doc...

(SFX: Running feet, car door slams, rubber burns)

DOCTOR: But vait! My bill! Next week's appointment!

ANNCR: At your favorite stores while supplies last.

JULIA CHILD

ANNCR: Today our food expert will reveal her special recipe for a scrumptious summer beverage.

EXPERT: First, take a large glass or mug, properly frosted to ensure the appropriate environment in which to maximize the drink's pleasure potential, and fill with 2 heaping scoops of your favorite ice cream - I recommend Melody Farms Vanilla, with its rich, creamy flavor. Then, pour generous amounts of a delightfully carbonated beverage - I recommend Faygo Sensations ginger ale or Root Beer - over the Melody Farms vanilla ice cream. Stir slightly and permit the two ingredients to mingle and blend for a moment or two. Then you may prefer to drink it right down or to slowly sip it with a straw, thus allowing the experience to last as long as possible.

(Sounds of sucking on straw)

Mmmm, exquisite.

ANNCR: Right now when you purchase one specially marked half gallon of Melody Farms vanilla ice cream you receive a free 2-liter of Faygo Pop!

You could win your very own "I'm a Michigan Original" t-shirt or mug by sending your recipe to:

Michigan Originals
PO Box 1234
Wherever, MI 48123

No purchase necessary. See display for details.

JULIE AND BILL

ANNCR: Today our food experts, Bill, the roving truck stop gourmand and Julia, gourmet chef extraordinaire, will discuss their favorite recipes for summer beverages.

JULIE: First, take a large glass...

BILL: Nah! Ya gotta use a great big frosted mug!

JULIE: ...and fill with 2 heaping scoops of Melody Farms Vanilla, with its rich, creamy flavor.

BILL: I'm tellin' ya - ya gotta put them in a blender first...

JULIE: Then, slowly pour generous amounts of Faygo Root Beer - over the Melody Farms vanilla ice cream.

BILL: Oh, sure, stay wid that same old stuff - I say try Red Pop or Orange or Rock n' Rye - Now dat's original!

JULIE: Stir slightly and permit the two ingredients to mingle and blend for a moment or two, then slowly sip with a straw...

BILL: Nah - first you whip those puppies together then ya grab that great big mug in your paw and ya guzzle it right down!

JULIE: I call this my Michigan Float. Mmmm, exquisite.

BILL: Yea, I call dis my Michigan Cooler!

ANNCR: Right now - whenever you buy a specially marked half gallon of Melody Farms vanilla ice cream we'll give you a free 2-liter of Faygo! Then you just mix together for a...

JULIE: Float.... (Sips) Aaah!

BILL: Cooler! (Sips) Aaah!

MEMORIES

MAN: If you've lived around Detroit for a long time like I have, you're probably aware of many Detroit traditions that have fallen by the wayside: things like JL Hudson's downtown on Woodward. I practically grew up in that store. The old Stroh's Beer plant - that's long gone. They brew it some other place. No more trolley cars. Old Olympia Stadium is gone too. And restaurants - there's no London Chop House, no Wine Cellars, no Little Harry's. But, you know, there are a couple of traditions still around. Like Faygo - they still make around 27 delicious flavors. And another - Melody Farms Ice Cream, still the best ice cream around. In fact, I'm about to plop this scoop of Melody Farms Vanilla ice cream into this tall mug of Faygo Root Beer - they still call it a Root Beer Float - but I call it a Detroit Original.

(SFX)

ANNCR: Right now when you purchase one specially marked half gallon of Melody Farms vanilla ice cream you receive a free 2-liter of Faygo Pop!

You could win your very own "I'm a Detroit Original" t-shirt or mug by sending your favorite recipe for a Detroit Cooler or Float to:

Detroit Originals
PO Box 1234
Wherever, MI 48123

No purchase necessary. See display for details.

 

FAYGO VS. MELODY FARMS

FAYGO: Now that warm weather is here - all of us at Faygo Beverages would like to remind our listeners that Faygo has 27 different delicious, thirst-quenching flavors to choose from. (Insert Faygo jingle :03)

MELODY FARMS: Excuse me, but Melody Farms knows that people obviously prefer ice cream in warm weather... (Insert Melody Farms jingle :03)

FAYGO: But a tall, frosty mug filled with genuine Faygo Root Beer hits the spot like nothing else can... (Jingle)

MELODY FARMS: And then plopped in a coupla scoops of that delicious Melody Farms vanilla ice cream... (Jingle)

FAYGO: So the two distinct flavors and textures mingle together...

MELODY FARMS: Forming a delicious drink for a hot summer day!

FAYGO: Or we could blend them together into a cooler!

MELODY FARMS: Wow! Two fabulous original Michigan products in the same mug at the same time! (Blend Jingles)

FAYGO: I've got a great idea! - how about if for every specially marked half gallon of Melody Farms vanilla ice cream...

MELODY FARMS: We give people a 2-liter of Faygo absolutely free!

(SFX: Soda being poured, ice cream added, drinking)

FAYGO: Ahh! Now that's a real Michigan Float...

MELODY FARMS: From two true Michigan Originals!

Other Writing: